Tag Archive for ‘jokes’
Can You Bear It?
The Dinner She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? “No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.” “Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re […]
Can You Bear It?
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out […]
Can You Bear It?
Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road. One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says, “The end is near. Turn yourself around now, before it’s too late.” As a […]
Can You Bear It?
Church Ladies With Typewriters These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’The sermon tonight:’Searching for […]
Can You Bear It?
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U. C. L. A. The batteries were given out free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. A will is a dead giveaway. With […]
Can You Bear It?
Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the […]
Can You Bear It?
On an overseas flight a lawyer and an older man were in adjoining seats. The lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game. The older man was tired and he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep. But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun. “Here’s how […]
Can You Bear It?
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ – Come […]
Can You Bear It?
A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. She says to the shop assistant,”May I have 50 Christmas stamps?” The assistant says, “What denomination?” The blond says “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptists.” Some buffalo were […]
Can You Bear It?
Can you Bear It? It was one of those weird coincidences that occurs maybe once in a thousand years: That afternoon there converged on the neighborhood grocery store some 28 husbands, each of whom who had been sent out by their wives with very specific instructions as to what they should buy. In a further […]
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