Tag Archive for ‘jokes’
Can You Bear It?
A Brownie leader was teaching her charges about survival in the desert. ‘What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?’ she asked. One little girl replied, ‘A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.’ ‘Why’s that, Betty?’ ‘Well,’ said Betty, […]
Can You Bear It?
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, his vicar went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the vicar asked, ‘How come after all these years we don’t see you at […]
Can You Bear It?
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents took their daughter aside and expressed their concern. Trying to be diplomatic, the mother said, ‘Dear, he just doesn’t seem like the nice […]
Can You Bear It?
Employer: Look here, when you were employed you said you’d had five years’ experience. I found out last night that you’ve just left school. What have you to say for yourself? Employee: Well, sir, you said the firm needed a man with imagination. A priest and a lawyer were chatting at a party. “What do […]
Can You Bear It?
A tourist in Vienna was walking through a cemetery when he heard music. There was no one around, so he started looking for the source. He located the origin and found the music was coming from a grave with a headstone that read, ‘Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770 – 1827.’ He realised that the music was […]
Can You Bear It?
A man phoned the hospital in a state of excitement: ‘My wife is pregnant! Her contractions are only two minutes apart!!!’ The doctor asked, ‘Is this her first child?’ The man quickly responded, ‘No you fool — this is her husband!’ ‘Is there anything wrong?’ the bartender asked the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring […]
Can You Bear It?
A lawyer in Taihape was called in on a case between a farmer and KiwiRail. The farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through which the railway lines passed. He took a case against KiwiRail. The lawyer immediately tried to get the farmer to settle out of court. The farmer finally […]
Can You Bear It?
There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws. There wasn’t a better accountant anywhere. Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for […]
Can You Bear It?
A woman is preparing a French dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails. The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds — so many, in fact, that by the time […]
Can You Bear It?
The young couple invited their elderly parish priest for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen getting the meal ready, the priest asked their son what they were having. ‘Goat,’ the little boy replied. ‘Goat?’ said the startled man of the cloth, ‘Are you sure about that?’ ‘Yip,’ said the boy. ‘I heard Dad […]
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