Tag Archive for ‘jokes’
Can You Bear It?
A talking horse walked into a bar and approached the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse said, “are you hiring?” The manager looked the horse up and down and said, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse sniggers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?” Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical […]
Can You Bear It?
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with the basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asks. “115,” I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 140. The nurse asks, “Your height?” “5 foot 8,” I say. The nurse checks and sees that […]
Can You Bear It?
A young man and a priest are playing a round together. At a short par 3 the priest asks the young man, “What club are you going to use on this hole?” The young man says, “An 8-iron, Father. How about you?” The priest says, “I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray.” The […]
Can You Bear It?
“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?” “Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.” The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher entered Plymouth Church on Sunday and found several letters waiting for him. He opened one and […]
Can You Bear It?
A retired man volunteered to entertain the patients in the hospital. He took along his portable keyboard, told some jokes, and sang some funny songs. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too”. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s […]
Can You Bear It?
A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink. He hears someone whisper, “Pssst…I like your tie.” The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone. “Pssst…that colour looks nice on you.” He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to […]
Can You Bear It?
An elderly lady had stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was going into. The lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man said, […]
Can You Bear It?
Once upon a time there were four people named Everybody, Anybody, Somebody and Nobody. When there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. When Nobody did it Everybody got angry, because it was Somebody’s job. Everybody thought that Somebody would […]
Can You Bear It?
A man said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like one dollar?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, can I have one dollar?” “Sure,” said God. “Just […]
Can You Bear It?
An elderly teacher shuffled into class on the first day of the university year. He surveyed the students for a time and then said, “If you expect me to remember your names, please sit in the same seats each day.” After a pause, he added, “And don’t ever change your clothes!” ——————————————————— Joe was showing […]
Entries(RSS)