Tag Archive for ‘family jokes’
Can You Bear It?
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with the basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asks. “115,” I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 140. The nurse asks, “Your height?” “5 foot 8,” I say. The nurse checks and sees that […]
Can You Bear It?
A retired man volunteered to entertain the patients in the hospital. He took along his portable keyboard, told some jokes, and sang some funny songs. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too”. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s […]
Can You Bear It?
An elderly lady had stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was going into. The lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man said, […]
Can You Bear It?
Once upon a time there were four people named Everybody, Anybody, Somebody and Nobody. When there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. When Nobody did it Everybody got angry, because it was Somebody’s job. Everybody thought that Somebody would […]
Can You Bear It?
A rich family commissioned a well-known writer to write its history, asking that the author skirt around the fact that one uncle’s life of crime had come to an end in the electric chair. This is what he wrote: “Uncle William occupied a chair of applied electronics in one of the leading government institutions. He […]
Can You Bear It?
A Sunday School teacher challenged his children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there”. Optimist: “It doesn’t get any […]
Can You Bear It?
A man was amazed to see a dog playing poker in a bar. “Bartender, is that a real dog playing poker”? he asked. “Yes. He’s a real dog”. “Is he any good”? “No. Whenever he has a good hand, he wags his tail”! A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to university. […]
Can You Bear It?
Fr O’Connor was delighted when he received an anonymous gift and when he told the praish council about it, he proposed it should be used to buy a new chandelier for the body of the church. However, it was put to a vote and the priest was disappointed when his proposal was narrowly defeated. Fr […]
Can You Bear It?
“I wouldn’t worry too much about your son making mud pies and wanting to eat them. It’s quite normal”. “Well, I don’t think so”, said the worried mother, “and neither does his wife”. In an attempt to be politically correct, Guy Chapman changed his name to Person Personperson. After church one Sunday morning, a mother […]
Can You Bear It?
From a poster in a church in France … “When you enter this church it may be possible that you hear ‘the call of God.’ However, it is unlikely that God will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning your phone off. If you want to talk to God, come in, choose a […]
Entries(RSS)