Can You Bear It?

Can you Bear It?

A travel agent sees an old lady and gent peering in the shop window looking at the glamorous destinations. The agent had a very good week in sales and was having a rare feeling of generosity.

He called the couple into his shop. ‘I know you’re pensioners and could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.’

He told his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel. They both gladly accepted the trip, and were off!

A month later the little old lady came back into the shop. ‘How did you like your holiday?’ asked the agent eagerly.

‘The flight was exciting and the room was lovely, everything was so wonderful,’ she said. ‘I’ve come to say thank you, but one thing still puzzles me. Who was that silly old coot I had to share the room with?’

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”

“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.

“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

Heard on National radio

What is the difference between a game of ice hockey and a boxing match? Answer: In ice hockey the fights are real.

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary. I’ve baked ‘em, I’ve roasted ‘em, I’ve stewed ‘em, I’ve barbecued ‘em, I’ve even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.”

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of missionary do you use?”

The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Ah ha!” he replies. “No wonder... those are friars!”