Can You Bear It?

A fleeing member of the Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties. The Taliban man asked, “Do you have water?” The Jewish man replied, “I have no water.. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.” The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot infidel! I do not need such an over-priced, western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!” “Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5.” “Pahh! Allah curse you and your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny neck and choke the life out of you but... I must conserve my energy and find water!” “Okay,” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me OR that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice cold water you need... Go in peace.”Cursing him, the desperate Taliban man staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”

Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them collapsed. He didn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes were glazed. His friend pulled out his phone and called the emergency services. He gasped, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator said, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There was a silence, then a shot was heard.  Back on the phone, the guy said “OK, now what?”