Can you bear it?

A new employee was being shown the ropes by the boss who had definite ideas about how the office should be run. “What’s your name ,boy? he asked.

“John, Sir” said the newcomer.

“Give us your real name. There’ll be no first names round here – no nambie pambie warm fuzzies in this office– this is a work space. What’s your surname, boy?”

“Darling, Sir”

Well John, we need to move on to the office accounts system...”

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I  told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

“Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast.

Now I do it in seven.”

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. For instance, she would stand on her front porch and shout, “PRAISE THE LORD!” Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There is no Lord!!”

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD. GOD, I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!” The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD!” The neighbour jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there is no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.” The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “PRAISE THE LORD!! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”