Can You Bear It?

A woman went to a walk-in clinic, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another exam room.

The doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?!"

The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up, asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

A mother texted her son, "John, just found out Aunt Elsie died. LOL"

Son: "Why are you saying LOL?"

Mom: "I am adding Lot's Of Love."

Son: "Mom, that means Laughing Out Loud!"

Mom: "Gotta go, I have some urgent calls to make..."

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marrage'."

The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."

Life’s too short to spend time matching socks.

I accidentally used the dog’s shampoo this morning. Now I feel like a good boy.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.