Can You Bear It?

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and a South African went to a night club.

The bouncer said: “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

A older couple were enjoying a wine on the verandah at sunset. He heard her say: “God I love you” He said “Is that you or the drink talking?” She replied “It’s me and I am talking to the wine.”

A true story.

I had lost a precious greenstone cross, and a friend said “Have you prayed to St Anthony?” He added “I will even give you my Anthony of Padua medal, if I can find it!”

Another true Story

A NZ Couple went abroad to visit family in China, asking their neighbour Pat, a widow, to feed their cat Mickey. They got as far as Hong Kong when an anguished Pat rang to say the cat had been run over near the bus stop. Another neighbour a High Court judge identified the dead cat as Mickey. The couple decided to ring some close friends to ask them to bury the cat in the backyard which they  proceeded to do. They were just putting the last shovel full of dirt on the grave when a familiar figure appeared on the verandah. With a loud hungry meow, Mickey announced that reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated. When the friends picked themselves up from their laughter, they rang Hong Kong with the news. The owners said tell Pat to keep feeding Mickey, and find out whose cat is buried in our garden, and by the way we knew it couldn’t be Mickey because he never travels by bus.