Can You Bear It?

Joanne was going to the MM Christmas dinner and needed a new dress. In the clothing store she asked the assistant, ‘May I try on that dress in the window, please?’ ‘Certainly not, madam,’ responded the salesgirl, ‘You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.’

The teacher asked young Malcolm: ‘What do you do at Christmas time?’ Malcolm addressed the class: ‘Well Miss Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all excited, we go to bed and wait for Santa Claus to come with all our toys.’

‘Very nice Malcolm,’ she said. ‘Now Jimmy, what do you do at Christmas?’ ‘Well, Miss Jones, my sister and I also go to church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put Christmas cake and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.’

Realising there were children of atheist parents in the class and not wanting to leave them out of the discussion, she asked, ‘Now, Billy, what do you do at Christmas?’ Billy said, ‘Well, Miss Jones, it’s the same thing every year - Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to Dad’s toy warehouse. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing “What A Friend We Have in Jesus.” Then we all get on Dad’s jet and fly to the Cook Islands!’

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen’. Bobby - age 7

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.