Can You Bear It?

A young man and a priest are playing a round together. At a short par 3 the priest asks the young man, "What club are you going to use on this hole?” The young man says, "An 8-iron, Father. How about you?”
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.”

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my parish, when we pray, we keep our head down.”

I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar?  There, their, they’re.

"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"

"One dollar."

"You don't know your arithmetic."

"You don't know my father!"

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. 

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." 

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.