Can You Bear It?

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, a Russian, a Pole, a Finn, an Israeli and a Norwegian went to a night club. The doorman said, “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai!”

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A bus driver went to a church for the first time and sat in the front row. After the service, the preacher asked the man why he sat alone in the first row. “Well,” the driver said, “I just sat up here to see what you did to make everyone move to the back.”

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Two nudists were sitting in chairs on the clubhouse verandah, putting the world to rights. “Have you read Marx?” said one. “Yes,” came the reply. “These cane chairs are hell, aren’t they?”

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A customer in a hardware store was taking so long examining the wheelbarrows that a sales assistant asked if he wanted any help. “Yes,” said the customer. “I can’t decide if I should take the red wheelbarrow or the green one. It’s a present for my wife’s birthday.” The sales assistant asked if the gift would be a surprise. “I predict it will be,” said the customer. “She’s expecting a diamond ring!”

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A widow was arranging for her husband’s death notice to appear in the local paper. The sales assistant said the newspaper charged by the line and she could fit another four words in the notice. “In that case,” she said, “say ‘golf clubs for sale’.”

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A woman was shocked by the language used by two men repairing telephone cables outside her home and complained to the lines company. The workmen were asked to report on what happened. One of them wrote, “I was up the pole and accidentally some molten metal fell on Joe. It went down the back of his shirt. Joe called up to me, ‘Really, Harry, please try to be more careful’.”