Can You Bear It?

Pablo Picasso was robbed at knife-point and was able to give the police a sketch of the robber. Police wish to speak with a female person with the head of a horse, a fried egg in the middle of her forehead and a sword through her neck!

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Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, it’s probably you!

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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!

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A Swiss man visiting Australia pulled up at a bus stop where two locals were waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asked. The two Aussies just stared at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tried. The two continued to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" Still no response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy gave up and drove off, disgusted. When he was gone, the first Aussie turned to the other and said, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" said the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good at all!"

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Answering the doctor’s buzzer, the receptionist said, “The patient says he is in the middle of a magazine article and will see you soon, Doctor!”

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Talk is cheap – because the supply exceeds demand!

Just saw on the news where the world champion tongue-twister was arrested. I hope they give the guy a tough sentence!

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The vicar’s beautiful sermon described the plight of the poor, strongly suggesting that the rich had a charitable duty to share their wealth. Asked how the sermon went, he said it was a partial success. “I convinced the poor!”