Can You Bear It?

An elderly lady had stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was going into. The lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man said, "That's what you can do when you're young and quick!” This upset the lady even more. She got in her car and rammed his Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?" The lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

A young woman applied for a job as an accountant. At the end of her interview, she was asked, “What is three times seven?”, to which she replied, “Twenty-two.” Outside, she used her calculator to find that the correct answer was twenty-one, and gave up all hope of getting the job. A few weeks later, she received a letter appointing her to the job! Once she had settled in, she asked the manager how it was that she got the job even though she got the sum wrong. The manager replied, “You were the closest!”

A woman celebrating her 100^th birthday was asked the secret to long life. She said, “I’ve not yet decided. I’m negotiating with a laxative firm, a vitamin company and a gin distiller!”

When a reporter asked the secret of his longevity, a centenarian said that he did not smoke, drink alcohol or eat too much. The reporter said that his uncle did the same and died at sixty. How could the old man explain that? “He did not keep it up long enough,” was the reply!