Can You Bear It?

A rich family commissioned a well-known writer to write its history, asking that the author skirt around the fact that one uncle’s life of crime had come to an end in the electric chair. This is what he wrote: “Uncle William occupied a chair of applied electronics in one of the leading government institutions. He was held to the post by the closest of ties and his death came as a real shock.”

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?" After a long silence, a voice piped up, "I guess you'd be eating on you own!”

A married couple was watching the news. They heard that a beautiful actress was marrying an athlete who was famous for his lack of IQ and common sense. Husband: "I'll never understand why the biggest noodles get the most attractive wives!" Wife: "Why, thank you, dear!"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”