Can You Bear It?

Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter from the MM, the author sent a letter to the editor. "Sir," she began, "you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story. As a test I pasted some pages together. My story came back with these pages still stuck together. I know you are a fraud and turned down the manuscript without reading it." The editor replied: "Madam, at breakfast when I open an egg I don't have to eat the whole egg to discover it is bad!"

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Doctor: “Your leg is swollen, but I wouldn’t worry about it.” Patient: “And if your leg was swollen I wouldn’t worry about it either!” 

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The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious -- in fact, there are three doctors there already!"

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Magician, to a small girl he has called to the stage: “Now, my little lass, you’ve never seen me before, have you?” “No, Daddy!”

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The flight was so rough that the flight attendants poured the food directly into paper bags!

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A mother asked her daughter how she had done in her maths test. “Not so good,” said the daughter. “Well, did you get 50%? 60%?” “No, Mum. Better than that. I got 40%!”

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Research shows that cheerful people are less likely to get ill than miserable people. It’s the surly bird that catches the germ!

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“Excuse me, but you look like Helen Green.” “Maybe so, but I really look a lot worse in yellow!”