Can You Bear It?

A moral conundrum for golfers: what do you do when your opponent claims to have found her ball in the rough and you know she is a liar because you’ve got her ball in your pocket?

“Why don’t you play golf with Ted any more?” said the wife. “You two used to play together often”. “Well”, said the husband, “would you play with someone who talks when you’re playing your shot, can’t count and won’t buy the beer when he loses?” “Certainly not”, said the wife. “Well, neither will Ted”.

Driving home after a late concert, an accordian player stopped for a cup of coffee at a local store. As he was waiting for his coffee, he remembered that he had locked his car door, but that his accordian was in full view on the back seat of his car. He rushed out to find that he was too late. The back window had been smashed, and somebody had already thrown in two more accordians!

How do coffee beans say goodbye? See you later percolator!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a baby girl, what would she be called? A subordinate Claus.

It was the night of the children’s Christmas play and Alfred was upset because he didn’t get the part of Joseph. He was the inn keeper. Because he was still bitter, when Joseph and Mary arrived at the inn to ask if there was room, Alfred went off script by saying, “Sure, come on in!” Joseph was taken aback, but with quick wit, stepped in, looked around and said, “This place is a dump. I’d rather stay in the barn”.