Can You Bear It?

"I wouldn't worry too much about your son making mud pies and wanting to eat them. It's quite normal". "Well, I don't think so", said the worried mother, "and neither does his wife".

In an attempt to be politically correct,
Guy Chapman changed his name to Person Personperson.

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning". The father commented, "The sermon was too long". Their daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for only a dollar".

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked about his future. The  Psychic Adviser told him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you”. "This is great!  Will I meet her at a party?" the frog asked. "No", said the psychic. "In biology class".

The teacher asked Charlie to explain the difference between poetry and prose. He thought for a little while before saying, "There was a young man called Rees, who went into a stream up to his ankles. That's prose, but if he had gone further into the water, it would have been poetry".

If you had only one match and had to light a fire, an oil lamp and a gas cooker, which would you light first? The match, of course!

“What happened when you asked the boss for a rise?” “He took it like a lamb”. “What did he say?” “Baa!”

"There's a fish in my grand piano". "That's ok. It's only a piano tuna".

"I've made the chicken soup". "Good. I was worried it was for us".

Road policewoman: "When I saw you coming around that bend, I thought '60 at least'." Woman driver: "Well I always look older in this hat".

Having got to their work site, the labourers 'phoned the depot to say they had forgotten their shovels. They were told that some would be delivered soon, and they should lean on one another in the meantime ...