Can You Bear It?

At the end of their first date, a young fellow took his girlfriend back to her home. On the front porch, leaning against the wall with a bit of swagger, he decided to try for that important first kiss.
He: "Sweet thing, how 'bout a good night kiss?"
She: "Oh, I couldn't do that. My parents will see us!"
He: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
She: "No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us."
He: "Baby, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
She: "No way. It's just too risky!"
He: "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
She: "No. I like you too, but I just can't!"
He: "Oh yes you can. Please, Sugar? Please?"
She: "No, no. I just can't."
He: "Pleeeeease?..."
Then the porch light went on and the girl's sister showed up in her pyjamas, sleepy, hair disheveled. "Dad says go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down and do it himself. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, there was a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one. God is watching.” Further down the line was a pile of cakes. A little boy made his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”