Can You Bear It?

Morris and Esther went to the fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther I'd like to ride in that helicopter." 

Esther always replied, "I know Morris but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride in that helicopter, I might never get another chance." 

To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars." 

The pilot overheard them and offered them a deal, "I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! If you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

A father of 3 daughters was worried when they started dating - and was relieved when all the boys they brought home were pleasant and well mannered.

He felt good about this until he mentioned it to to one of this daughters.

“You know, Dad,” she replied, “we don’t show you everybody.” 

A Buddhist went for treatment for a root canal, which was very painful. But he refused any pain relief for the procedure. He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Teacher: “If you have five apples and I ask you for one, how many will you have?”

Pupil: “Five.”

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

The cat has its claws at the end of its paws, and the comma has its pause at the end of a clause.