Can You Bear It?

A lawyer in Taihape was called in on a case between a farmer and KiwiRail. The farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through which the railway lines passed. He took a case against KiwiRail. The lawyer immediately tried to get the farmer to settle out of court. The farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the cheque, the young lawyer gloated over his success. He said to the farmer, ‘You know, I hate to tell you this but I put one across you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The driver was asleep and stewards were busy with the passengers when the train went through your farm that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand.’ The old farmer replied, ‘Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning the case myself, because that silly cow came home this morning!’

The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, ‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’ She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on the right feet. He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’ She bit her tongue rather than scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’ And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner than they got the boots off he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My Mum made me wear them.’ She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry, but found the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens?’ ‘I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.’

Interviewer:
If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?
Clever interviewee:
The living one!