Can You Bear It?

There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws. There wasn’t a better accountant anywhere. Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for a moment, and then close and lock it again. This puzzled all of his co-workers, because it was the only eccentricity that this genius exhibited. For years no one dared to breach etiquette and snoop through his desk, but his odd behaviour became something of a legend around the office. One day when the elderly man was home sick, one junior accountant could control himself no longer. Taking a letter opener he carefully pried open the desk lock. Inside he found one sheet of paper, and written in large letters was, ‘Debits on the left, credits on the right.’

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, ‘Would you like to go down the pub with me today?’ But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, ‘How about going down the pub with me?’ Again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against his pet’s home and shouted, ‘Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub?’ A little voice came out of the box, ‘I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!’

During a game, the coach asked one of his young players, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’ The little boy nodded yes. ‘Do you understand that what matters is winning together as a team?’ The little boy nodded yes. ‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘when you are given out LBW, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?’ Again, the boy nodded yes. ‘Good,’ said the coach. ‘Now go over there and explain it to your mother.’