Can You Bear It?

The young couple invited their elderly parish priest for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen getting the meal ready, the priest asked their son what they were having. ‘Goat,’ the little boy replied. ‘Goat?’ said the startled man of the cloth, ‘Are you sure about that?’ ‘Yip,’ said the boy. ‘I heard Dad tell Mum, “Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner”.’

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.

In a cemetery in Hartcombe, England:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

The nurse noticed a man dressed for golf, pacing up and down outside the operating room where another golfer, who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated. ‘Is he a relative of yours?’ the nurse asked him. ‘No,’ replied the man. ‘It’s my ball!’

A man went on holiday for two months and left his cat in the care of his brother. Three days before his return he called his brother: ‘So how is my cat doing?’ His brother replied, ‘He’s dead.’
‘He’s dead! What do you mean, he’s dead? I loved that cat. Couldn’t you think of a nicer way to tell me? I’m leaving in three days. You could have broken the news easier. You could have told me today that he got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could have told me we found him but he’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting him down. Then when I called you from the airport you could have told me that the fire department was there and scared him off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.’
‘I’m sorry...you’re right...that was insensitive. I won’t let it happen again.’
‘Alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mum doing?’
‘She’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down!’