Can You Bear It?

A Mexican bandit used to cross the Rio Grande now and again to rob banks in Texas. A reward was offered for his capture, and a Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he found the bandit in his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his revolver to the bandit’s head, and said, ‘You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll shoot you.’ But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the ranger didn’t speak Spanish.

The ranger asked a local to translate his message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. ‘What did he say?’ asked the ranger. The local answered, ‘He say he no afraid to die!’

A man saw a sign in a shop: ‘Talking Dog for Sale.’ He went into the shop and said to the dog, ‘You talk?’ ‘My word yes,’ said the dog.

‘So, what’s your story?’ the man said.

The dog replied ‘Well, I discovered my gift of talking when I was young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the Security Intelligence Service about my gift, and in no time they had me jet-setting at taxpayers’ expense here, there and everywhere, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one believed a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years in a row. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded many medals for my achievements. Now I’m retired.’

The man was amazed. He asked the shop owner how much he wanted for the dog. ‘Ten dollars,’ said the owner.

The man said, ‘The dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

The owner replied, ‘He’s a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.’