Can You Bear It?

Bob is a favourite conductor among commuters on the train. He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.

One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched.

“Where are you going today?” Bob asked, smiling.

“Well, what does the ticket say?” replied the traveller sarcastically.

“Um, it says you’re on the wrong train,” Bob informed him.

“What am I supposed to do now?” asked the flustered passenger.

Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, “Ask the ticket.”

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don’t love me anymore.”

“Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”

As two politicians walked through the countryside, they noticed some tracks.

First said, “Deer tracks?”

Second said, “No, bear tracks.”

However, the conversation ended abruptly when a train hit them.

A dog went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote:

“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all!”

She said she recognized the man from the Vegetarian Club she went to last night.

But he said he’d never met herbivore.