Can You Bear It?

A headmaster at a parochial school wanted to provide his new students some advice for appropriate behaviour at church. He thought he would try to elicit rules that their parents might give the youngsters before taking them to a nice restaurant.

“Don’t play with your food,” one second grader cited.

“Don’t be loud,” said another, and so on...

He then turned to another youngster to ask, “And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?”

Without batting an eye, the child replied, “Order something cheap.”

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.  Then we’ll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

“Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?”

In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied  by writing on the  tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent,
until I know which way you went.