Can You Bear It?

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plonked it on his desk, and wrote on the board: ‘Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist’.
Fingers flew, erasers erased, and notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:
‘What chair?’

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!’ (i.e., Repent and be baptised, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer handcuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture at you’.

‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an axe and two 38s!’

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray’. We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu