Can You Bear It?

THE CHURCH CHAIN OF COMMAND

The Parist Priest

He is faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, can walk on water and talks to God.

The Assistant Priest

He is almost as fast as a speeding bullet, is stronger than a traction engine, able to leap short buildings in a single bound, can walk on water, though his ankles get wet and sometimes talks to God.

The Director of Music 

He is faster than a speeding BB, is stronger than a Hornby (model) train, able to leap short buildings with a long running start, can walk on water, as long as it is frozen and talks to God but often wonders if He hears.

The Youth Minister

He is slower than a snail, trips over railroad tracks, walks into buildings, almost drowns in the bathtub and mumbles to himself.

The Parish Secretary 

Catches speeding bullets in her teeth, chews them up and uses them for staples, could stare a locomotive off its tracks, if a building gets in her way, she just knocks it off its foundation, parts the water to walk through on dry ground, and when God calls she asks who is calling and puts him on hold.

The pupil seeks enlightenment...

“Oh, master...tell me of fate.”

“Ah, my son...it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time.”

“And that, my master, is fate?”

“Oh, FATE! I thought you said FREIGHT.”

A traffic officer pulled over a driver and asked to see his license. On examining it the officer said: “According to this you should not be driving without spectacles”

The driver replied:”I’ve got contacts.”

The officer retorted:” I don’t care who you  know, you can’t drive without glasses!”

Child-rearing Q and A

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?

A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A. With any luck, right after he finishes university.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.