Can You Bear It?

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well - if something happens to me - your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on “Where my family came from.” The purpose was to understand her genealogy. I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, “Grandma, where did I come from?” I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of  town and I was stalling until they returned home, “Well, honey, the stork brought you.” “Where did Mom come from then?” “The stork brought her, too.”

“OK, then where did you come from?”

“The stork brought me too, dear.”

“Okay, thanks, Grandma.”

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann’s room and read the first sentence of her paper, “For three generations there have been no natural births in our family.”

HUSBAND: Honey, do you love me just because I inherited a fortune from my father?

WIFE: Of course not, darling! I would love you regardless of who left you the money.

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”