Can You Bear It?

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an plane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh,I don’t know,” said the atheist.“How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“OK,”she said.“Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.Why do you suppose that is?” The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don’t know manure?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

A teenager who had just received her learner’s license offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.When the mother got out of the car she said emphatically, “Thank you!” “Anytime,” her daughter replied with a smile. As her mother headed for the church door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

A group of guys took a trip to France and decided to attend Mass in a small town, even though none of them understood French. They managed to stand, kneel and sit when the rest of the congregation did, so it wouldn’t be obvious they were tourists. At one point, the priest spoke and the man sitting next to them stood up, so they got up, too. The entire congregation broke into hearty laughter.

After the service they approached the priest, who spoke English, and asked him what had been so funny. The priest said he had announced a birth in the parish and asked the father to stand up.

A dentist explained to his patient that he was unable to attend to him as he already had eighteen cavities to fill that day. Once he had put down the phone, the dentist picked up his golf bag and went out the door.