Can You Bear It?

A married couple in their early 60's were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such a wonderful married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 93 years old.

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A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding... He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

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Salvation history in brief:
Adam blamed Eve,
Eve blamed the snake,
and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

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Q. Why are there no pain relief pills in the jungle?
A. Parrots-eat-em-all!